I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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