why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
