Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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