so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
