Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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