I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
