Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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