Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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