theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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