Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
