he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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