If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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