Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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