Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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