I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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