so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
