This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
