id be glad to
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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