See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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