A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
