yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
