its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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