Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
