You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
