Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
