If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
