I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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