oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Randomize
