Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
