They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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