I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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