The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
