im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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