im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
