A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The power of my boobs compel you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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