In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
