i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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