I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
