She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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