my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
