So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
