Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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