I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
