you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
