He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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