You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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