I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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