I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
