I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
