You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
